The "L" incident

It was probably the fault of one loser that another loser got into a bit of a mess. The inappropriately high levels of waste fluids building up in his body demanded a quick exit and Loser, succumbing to the "pressure" did not take much notice of the sign-board outside the toilet. The loser guy who put up the sign was to be blamed for this. The sign read "L" and supposedly stood for "Ladies" (which was written in such small letters that even if a person was looking for it he may not have found it) while the other door had "G" for "Gents". In his haste to release his waste, loser interpreted "L" for "Loser" instead of "Ladies" and was pleasantly surprised at this special treatment being meted out to losers...a toilet specially catering to their untimely needs.

Anyways, when loser entered the loo (and L could have stood for Loo as well), he was stopped on his tracks by an elderly lady.

Lady: hey you, where do u think u are going?

Loser: am not going anywhere, I have reached

Lady: don't u dare try to be cheeky with me!

Loser: listen old lady, i don't know what u mean but i didn't come here to be cheeky...it's far more urgent

Lady: what the hell do u think u are doing in HERE?

Loser: now c'mon, i ain't doing nothing yet but if u keep questioning me like this then i might

Lady: who let u in here?

Loser: my need....and now old lady i think ur being cheeky...ur talking about "letting in" whereas u know very well that i have come here to "let out"

Lady: i urge u to leave this very second!

Loser: don't tell me about urges lady...u don't understand the ferocity or maybe velocity of my current urge!

Lady:hey!!...u!!!...wait!!...

Without waiting for any further debate, Loser charged inside one of the toilets whose door was being opened by the lady who was about to step out...but our Loser friend got in so bloody quick that the woman trying to step out was still inside when Loser stepped in and locked the door from inside. He opened the door after exactly a micro-second and one slap later as the lady walked out hurling abuses at him.

When Loser finally emerged from the loo, he was a much relieved man.

Racing against time

There is only one competitor that Time itself fears and that's a Loser. It would seem that time is in this amazingly irritating habit of competing with people....or maybe people start the race against time but either ways 99% of the time, Time wins. However, with a loser time doesn't ever stand a chance. Henry Ford had once said, “The competitor to be feared is one who never bothers about you at all, but goes on making his own business better all the time.” Ford was right (the first part of the quote makes absolute sense, the second part about betterment is a bit immature though...he should have put a fullstop and stopped where he put a comma and continued) and this is precisely why Time fears the loser. A loser does not bother about time at all...he has all the time in the world. Most losers don't even care to wear watches unless they have taken a liking to some cheap roadside ticking object which says loudly "buy me u loser" and the loser falls for it. But as a general rule they don't wear watches. Time gets frustrated with them, waiting for the loser to get into competition mode but the loser is blissfully unaware of any such crap. As such Time is at a loss, it keeps ticking and in doing so loses time/itself. At this point in time, the race is over...time has lost but thankfully the loser hasn't won (winning would be a disgrace)...so u might be thinking if the loser didn't win then what did it do....well....ur missing the point....throughout this race the loser actually did nothing. Time started a race and time lost, period.

Kashinath leaves home early

Kashinath left home early today. He left a short while after 4 am.

Not that Kashinath is an early bird. In fact he enjoyed lazing till lunch was served but today was different.

When he was in school his mother used to pack for him quite a sumptuous lunch. There was enough oily stuff packed in his tiffin to feed the entire class but Kashinath would choose to consume all of it himself. He was quite possesive about things cooked by his mom....nah, actually he was quite possesive about anything cooked for that matter...he didn't enjoy uncooked stuff like fruits and vegetables mainly coz they didn't add to his calories and weren't spicy enough for his tongue to get drawn into saliva mode.

When he grew up, his wife took up the challenge and fed him till his belly touched the ceiling...he had to buy a table fan coz when he lied on his back there was imminent danger that his ponch would get sliced by the ceiling fan. Exercise was not his cup of tea...infact his cup of tea was laced with more than a cup of sugar and as such he used to have tea in a jug....otherwise the tea used to spill over when his wife added sugar.

Anyways, coming back to the point....Kashinath left home early today. He left at 4:07 am to be precise. As mentioned earlier, it wsn't that he was an early bird...circumstances forced him to leave early. He died of heart attack.

Rising to the occasion!

It's always confused me to think about rising to the occasion...we rise everyday and so does the sun etc. but not because of any occasion in particular. Infact I don't remember having ever risen to any occasion. I have, at times, risen to an alarm clock...but that too rarely. Atleast the alarm clock gives a loud signal urging me to rise but the occasions must be having a decibel problem coz i have never heard them playing the fool with my eardrums in order to signal an impending rise. It's pretty strange that some famous people ...or rather most famous people have at some point in their lives risen to the occasion. As I have already mentioned earlier, I have also risen to the alarm on some odd occasion but definitely that is not what they mean by the phrase coz most certainly I haven't come even a few hundred miles of being famous. But when I give it some profound thought I do feel that rising at some God-forsaken hour when the alarm chooses to go off is actually a very big acheivement and maybe the way to become famous is to make sure that someone watches you perform the feat. Since I wake up alone, there is no proof as to whether I woke up with the alarm or not. Maybe those clever people who got famous out of rising to the occasion didn't go to bed alone...they had someone or the other watching them....or maybe they were part of some reality show where a hundred cameras follow your every move. So if you manage to rise to the occasion invariably some camera catches you doing it and you become famous coz now you have proof. Man, it was so simple to get famous....I just need proof...hmmm...since no reality show channel is gonna invite me (here's the irony, u need to be famous to be called in one of the shows in the first place!), so I guess I need to go the conventional way and find someone who would be willing to sleep with me...err...for the sake of proof offcourse!